When I was a girl, my life was music that was always getting louder.
Everything moved me.
A dog following a stranger, that made me feel so much.
A calender that showed the wrong month.
I could've cried over it.
I did.
Where the smoke from a chimney ended.
How an overtuned bottle rested at the edge of a table.
I spent my life learning to feel less.


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♫

♥

For my boys

~

Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of life.

~ Maureen Hawkins ~

♥

♫

Somehow we survive and tenderness does not wither.

I sat by your bed while you were sleeping,
I watched you as you smiled through your dreams.
I traced your ear, your cheek, touched your silky hair.
Your soft, sleepy sounds enthralled me
I couldn't resist your magic

It tugged at my heartstrings
my enchantment with you filled my heart
I settled next to you, holding your tiny hand in mine.
While you were sleeping;
I fell in love with you all over again.


(on your first birthday)









I sang a thousand lullabies to him,
about magic and princesses and happiness under the full moon.
I danced with him through a thousand fairy tales.
The only magic I have left is love.
Smoke and incense and mirrors have vanished,
I spin a web of hope to catch him.
I see wounds appearing for which I have no cure,
we are bruising ourselves against the walls of the labyrinth.
I stitch his heart to mine, his pain becomes my own.


♥

(written while we were waiting for the INS to decide
about citizenship).

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You make me smile

For my beloved children

Let me tell you just a few things I've learned about life.


I've learned that no matter how much I care,

some people just don't care back.
I've learned that two people can look at the same thing
and see something totally different.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we feel,
no matter what others do.
I've learned that either you control your attitude,
or it controls you.
I've learned that true friends accept you as you are,
but that would never stop you from trying to change.
I've learned that the smallest secret can change your life forever.

I've learned that you should always tell your loved ones loving words.


Just one more thing -
I love you more than life itself.

♫

Sitting on Oupa's lap on the porch of his house in Windsorton.

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All dressed up and beautified for Oupa.

♥

Oupa always brought a brown paper bag full of Sunrise toffees,
sticky and gooey and sweet
and we would eat it
sugary sweet saliva
dripping
from our lips
like honey

♫


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